You know, sometimes writing these descriptions is a real struggle. What is there to say every week when the plot of every single episode these days is just “Amy is bad, and Ricky is a handsome genius”? It’s S04E21, “Allies”, and it certainly is an episode of Secret Life. Between the mandatory Amy hate and Omar’s, uh, heel turn??? there’s not a whole lot of good things to talk about, but at least George is hilarious as always! This week, we love Game of Scrones. You’ll get ’em next time, Keith!

Sam | Jordan

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What’s up fellow teens? Jordan, here! Sam is on vacation this week and made the mistake of leaving me in charge of editing/uploading the podcast. We’re talking about Season 4 Episode 20 (nice) of the Secret Life of the American Teenager. Mysteriously titled: Strange Familiar…and it’s a weird one! It’s an episode full of TV dad metamorphoses, realistic french accents, lightweight boxes, and relationship riddles. This week, we have a mysterious, finger-sucking quandary. Your pizza is ready!

Sam | Jordan

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WARNING: This episode contains a lot of very bad voices. Have you ever wanted to know what we think Lois Griffin sounds like? If so, you’re going to hate this episode, because it’s not good. It’s S04E19, “The Splits”! Finally, a show for teens that tackles the real issues: divorce, cigars, and fishing licenses. What more could you want? This week, it’s time to T-pose in the kitchen! We should go.

Sam | Jordan

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What time is it? Beach time! That’s right, it’s S04E18, “The Beach Is Back”! A chill summertime episode, no fighting, no bickering, no negativity, just sunshine and good vibes and George and Ricky high fiving about how unbearable Amy is and Leo trying to freeze his friends and family to death, and also I lied about the beach. This week, we don’t know where Roboruto is. It’s fine. He’s fine.

Sam | Jordan

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GRAH-AH-AH! This is Juergen’ It here! We’re talking about S04E17, “Suddenly This Summer”, another bad one! Brenda promised us a free outdoor concert in the park, and instead we got, uh, Adrian learning what dating is. Yes, really! For the first fourth time! Also some exciting Divorce Attorney drama you DON’T want to miss! Just kidding, obviously it goes nowhere, because it couldn’t possibly go anywhere. This week, we’re asking the question on everyone’s minds: who IS Andrew?!

Sam | Jordan

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Brace yourselves for another episode of very little happening! Don’t worry, there’s not a whole lot of actual plot in S04E16, “They Gotta Eat”, but there sure is a lot to talk about! Anyway, I’m going to embed an image in this episode description and I have no idea if it’ll show up in people’s feeds. Probably not, but this week,

<img src="http://noisespace.xyz/wp-content/uploads/2019/06/jpg-300x188.jpg" alt="HERE'S TO YOU" width="300" height="188" srcset="https://noisespace.xyz/wp-content/uploads/2019/06/jpg-300x188.jpg 300w, https://noisespace.xyz/wp-content/uploads/2019/06/jpg-768x480.jpg 768w, https://noisespace.xyz/wp-content/uploads/2019/06/jpg-1024x640.jpg 1024w, https://noisespace.xyz/wp-content/uploads/2019/06/jpg.jpg 1280w" sizes="(max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px" />

Sam | Jordan

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The smooth sailing continues to not continue, and it’s S04E15, “Defiance”! We have learned that there will never be another episode without the Brenda Hampton Stamp of Writing Quality on it, and we’re very happy about this news! Time to brace ourselves for the rest of the show being a nonstop nightmare of Ricky being mean to Amy while the sweet music plays! This week, America has spoken: we want AP4! See you in Contrivance City!

Sam | Jordan

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Oops! Whoops! Uh oh! Sorry! We were wrong again! The show is bad again! We’re here talking for way too long about S04E14, “Smokin’ Like a Virgin”, and it sucks. This episode doesn’t feel like it was written by a human person, which is weird because Brenda wrote it! Hm! Do you think this means anything? This week, we’re crying with our eyes. Hashtag!

Sam | Jordan

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On the Juergen’ It Patreon, we spent February through April this year watching and discussing the famous Just Say Me episode of Secret Life, over and over again. Our plan was to do it weekly until the subscribers voted for us to stop, but our hiatus unfortunately threw a wrench in those plans. However, at long last we have reunited for one last foray into the twisted masturbatory mind of Brenda Hampton, after which we took it upon ourselves to act out the episode from memory. We had so much fun with this one, we decided to put it on the regular podcast feed! If you listen to this episode and are wondering, “huh, that was really great content and I loved it, but what were those weird jokes that I didn’t understand? There was something about Alice being magic, and I didn’t have the context but I still loved it so much?” then consider heading on over to the Patreon and throwing in just a dollar a month to get access to the whole series! Just something to think about!

Good news! We’ve finally found it: the best episode of the show! It’s S04E13, “And Circumstance”, a truly wonderful, joyous time! Don’t worry, I’m sure it’s all smooth sailing from here 🙂 This week, we gotta hand it to Brenda. No, really!

Sam | Jordan

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